Posts Tagged ‘God’
August 8th, 2010 – Yesterday, in preparing to go to my church’s general service, I decided to have as my traveling music Byron Cage’s “Faithful to Believe” album. When I arrived on location the song that was pumping through my ear phones was “I Can’t Hold it”; a song that gets me every time in the mood to praise. After attending a meeting I proceeded to go downstairs to visit with one of my friends in another volunteer department (I serve in the Music Ministry.) I opted for the elevator versus the stairs. Two of my friends one an armor bearer for my pastors and another a pastor’s aide waited with me. When the elevator arrived we were greeted by another one of my friends that is an armor bearer and unknown gentleman.
My friend who is an aide seeing the unknown gentleman assumed he was new armor bearer / vision keeper in training. She proceeded to confirm this by asking the question if in fact he was. His response “Yes, I am dedicating my life to Christ today.” The elevator then stopped and he got off. We all looked at each other for a second in slight confusion. My friend the aide stated “He must have not understood the question.” My response was I believe he did. He was stating what he believed was keeping the vision. He was dedicating his life to the Lord.
We at that moment arrived at our own floor and all parted ways; I to visit my friend and them to go to their individuals assignments. When I found my friend, her department members and she were preparing to pray and meet. I decided to join them in for the prayer. After the prayer I went upstairs to report to my own department officially and proceeded to do my pre-service duties. Praise and worship was extra anointed that night and my lady pastor, Taffi L. Dollar really urged us in her opening encouragements to bask in the presence of God a bit longer.
The message itself was excellent and as always an on time one. When she called for the altar call for those that wanted to get saved, rededicate their lives to Christ, received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (with the evidence of speaking with tongues) or join the church she also instructed us as is customary to ask our neighbors the same four questions. Low and behold the unknown gentleman who was on the elevator with me earlier was sitting in the next row.
I knew that was a sign from God that he wanted me to be the one to ask him personally if he had made a quality decision. At that moment I turned around and asked, he resoundingly said yes and confirmed that he wanted me to walk him down. He and I were the first ones to arrive at the altar that evening. I was so much in a state of utter joy that when I went to go back to my seat, I first went to the wrong row. After laughing at myself I walked to the correct one and just began to thank God for gentleman making a quality decision and for allowing me to assist him.
True tears of joy just began to fall from my eyes. An older woman, who I know only by casual fellowshipping, tapped me on the shoulder to hug me. I was so much on a spiritual high that I just could not almost contain myself; I think I gave her an extra squeeze. During my trip home I felt as I was floating on cloud nine. I continued to thank God for bring the gentleman, to my attention and using me to be his escort to the altar.
It’s just amazing how simply by paying attention to your surroundings, not questioning and obeying the voice of the Holy Spirit and doing an act of service can bless you right back in return. It is almost 24 hours later and I am still on a spiritual high. I served again this morning at satellite church and was taken out of my comfort zone. I was asked to sing lead for the last song of the worship set and to minister the altar call song. In the natural I made a few errors (early start on a song because I was lost in the spirit), however I had said “Ok, I will do it, Lord.” And he yet again showed out…more souls came to the kingdom!
I believe last night in a sense I to rededicated my life back Lord; and I will continue to give him the glory for each opportunity he presents to me.
This past Sunday, I was called in to worship as an alternate singer at one of satellite church’s my local church supports. I woke up that morning with a pressure headache that made me want to stay home.
I had planned out my trip ahead of time, but the train I was to take was pulled from the schedule. During the Praise and Worship section of service I felt actually at some points I was going to fall out.
BUT and yes I do know but cancels out all that I just said. I rejoiced all the way through the pressure. My point in all this is to say…many times we allowed the pressures of our days to move us from our God given purposes.
More and more I am learning how to take my SELF out of the way so HE meaning God can use me the way he intended to.
My job is just to obey, and when I am not sure maintain an attitude of gratitude and praise.
My question to you this morning is… Are you rejoicing through the pressure? Or are you staying in your Sinai Dessert only a praise away from your destiny?
Destiny is not a destination its a journey to be enjoyed!
My sisters,
We may not have the same mother or father… our skin tones different shades and hues. However one thing that we have in common is our gender and its name…WOMAN.
Through it we have a kinship. We have the ability to share stories of similar hormonal changes, first crushes, first kisses, loves, heart breaks, marriages and for many of us childbirth.
I write this article from my perceptive of being a single woman in her early 30s, no children yet…African American and having had my heart broken and restored. Raised by older parents, both having since gone to be with the Lord; I write this as a Christian, born again with a heart renewed, who is grateful for everyday for new found grace.
Honestly I felt compelled to write this open letter after receiving too many calls from sister-friends or chance meetings where I have been asked for advice. These moments have been opportunities for me to take the focus off of self and truly love on my fellow sisters.
I find it an honor to be able to minister and share my testimony with them and to hear theirs. Encourage them that even after being hurt and having your heart stomped along with your pride and name… They like the phoenix can too rise up again.
See, I was in a relationship that spanned almost ten years off and on with someone that I allowed to mentally abuse me. He had ties to my soul and privileges that only through the covenant status of marriage he should have received.
The details of my story are not as important as the lessons I am still learning from it. The first lesson I learned was how to forgive myself for the part I played. No one can abuse you unless you allow them to. You are never without the power to at least attempt to fight back. True love from God, goal is not to tear you down, but instead its goal is to build you up.
Being bitter and angry at someone that probably doesn’t even give you a second thought after the damage they have done is just a time waster. You can spend years using the excuse of being hurt to block blessings God has in store for you. New relationships, children, careers/ministries being birthed, can be blocked by you allowing your emotions to control you and keep you at an impasse. I know this because I did it.
For two years I thought by keeping a wall up around my heart so I could lick my wounds in privacy, I was protecting myself from being hurt. The sad truth was it hurt me more. Instead of growing in love, I was growing in offense and the ripples affected every area of my life.
My job became my life. My home reflected how I was feeling inside, a mess. I was functioning, yet was empty. My prayer life was ritual vs. being relational. During this time God’s voice that used to be so clear for me to hear… was but a whisper…
I was short tempered, and made excuses for my rude behavior. I tried to control others around me because I had no self control. My friends, tried to tell me, however their constructive criticism fell on deaf ears. Jesus though I understood him as my savior, I had not allowed to sit in the driver’s seat of my life. The Holy Spirit’s guidance by my delayed response showed evidence of disobedience. So when my world the one I had constructed began coming crashing down around me; I was forced to stop. Take a personal inventory and return the keys and seat to the true owner of my life, God. To him I repented and asked help. No man could give me hard truth I needed to change.
The scriptures that can best describe this time is in my life is Proverbs 18:10 – 12 from the Amplified Bible … “10The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the [consistently] righteous man [upright and in right standing with God] runs into it and is safe, high [above evil] and strong. 11The rich man’s wealth is his strong city, and as a high protecting wall in his own imagination and conceit. 12Haughtiness comes before disaster, but humility before honor.”
The following series of poems, a few are from my 1st book Poetry of a Black: Girl the Darkness and the Light Volume 1, others are still works in progress… In a way they tell my journey with God as he has been giving me beauty for my ashes Isaiah 61.
Some Diamonds in the Rough Never Go Beyond Infancy
I used to call you a diamond in the rough,
I saw so much potential in you
I held you down when others laughed and scorned,
said I was a fool.
I kept secrets even from my mama.
Let you live in my house rent free.
Let you see and operate in my inner court.
And act like you were the king of my Holy of Holies.
I placed all my trust in you,
only because I used to see so much potential in you.
No mere mortal man could ever appreciate what I did.
What I sacrificed, understand the tears, I shed all unselfishly.
So now I have come to the conclusion.
That some diamonds in the rough
Without the proper pressure,
never go their beyond infancy.
So as I look back at what I saw, what I thought we could be
I know now that because HE was not in between you and me
My dear, you and I were never meant to be
I played no games of the heart
I kept it real from the start
My heart was open and true to you
But I did not want to believe what I knew
A player unless he wants to change,
will always want and play the game
My focus was so much on you
That I did not know that
I had aligned myself to flesh
I needed to align my heart up,
To the most highest God,
For he would never leave me
Nor ever forsake me
He would never be untrue
Never walk out, or use me
No need for apologizes
For he would never wrong me
Abuse my love like you did to me
Though I was hurt
I have learned to forgive
The ties you had to my soul
Have been released
And until you find your own peace
And get in a relationship with HIM
You will remain just a lump of coal
That could’ve been the brightest diamond,
the world has ever seen.
###
Do You Know Me?
I sit here and I ponder our relationship.
You used to call on me, so we could just talk awhile.
Spend days on an end, just you and me.
I had your back even when others didn’t
I pleaded your case against our father,
when you sinned.
I forgave you when you lied.
I encouraged you when you couldn’t do it on your own.
I protected you when you were weak and clothed you with my love before you even knew my name or could even speak.
I sent provisions, but you didn’t give me thanks.
I was ok with it all, because the promise I made and the sacrifices I gave for you.
I remember times when you were bold enough to talk to others about our relationship.
Now when someone asks about you and me you deny that we are even related.
You have let fear of rejection and thoughts of unworthiness creep into your psyche.
I ask, do you really know me?
Am I not your friend, your brother… your teacher?
Did I not show you in my words, in my love for you, in my actions that I would never forsake you?
Trust me…. I have your back…even when you don’t think no one else does.
I will never give up on you why? Because this we have, this thing… is real… and I am real.
I am love, I am your Father God, your brother Jesus and your teacher the Holy Spirit and in me, you can trust.
I AM whatever you need me to be…
Trust me, it is not in my DNA to not tell the truth.
I swore to tell you the truth through the shedding of my own blood… not once, but twice.
I am just waiting for you to talk to me again…I have all the time in the world.
###
Goodbye
The words seem to not be able to escape from my lips…
However, I know they need to be said.
Listen, I have to get this out of my head…
I know I have the power to stop you with my declarations.
I have loved you for so long.
However, I love another more…
Our destinies seem to have different paths that don’t meet in the end.
So as I am sitting here close to being washed away from my own flood of tears.
I know I must be the one to find the courage to walk away.
Shh…Don’t speak…
I really don’t want to hear anything you have to say.
Don’t waste your time.
I’m not listening.
I am not looking back.
Goodbye.
Sin…
###
Barefooted
I dare to walk alone
Yet you are always present
Your voice is so clear in my ear.
Guiding me down roads without fear
Barefooted…
Stones and pebbles lay underfoot.
Blood drawn I fall and scrap a knee
Get up… I hear… Get up…I hear so audibly.
Get UP! For righteousness sake
Arise…repent.
Barefooted
Dreams deferred
And given back renewed
Cause their source
Had to be known
My feet are healed
My eyes see clear
Barefooted walking on air…
He carries me still…
I read, I believed by faith
I lay still … I wait
Mediate and then… and then… and then…
I hear Barefooted
I’ve got new shoes
For you!
A shield a sword and armor too!
Barefooted I’ve got your shoes!
Barefooted you have been renewed…
You obeyed…
You acted by faith…
You heard my voice and did not hesitate.
Barefooted PREACHED it…
Words He never knew.
Barefooted…PREACHED it…
Words…He never knew…
###
Preparing for Boaz
This poem is for my sisters
However, I hope I get some nods from the fellas…
So you say you are preparing for your Boaz.
The man, you want to share the rest of your life with
Have him call you his wife, share his name…
Maybe raise a kid or two with,
hoping even through the weight gain and stretch marks
he will love you just the same.
However…Ladies…my sister girl friends…
We think at times that we must flirt and dress
in ways that leave nothing to the imagination
That Boaz will see this and instantly fall to one knee.
Or that the perfection we see
from the corner of our eyes in the dimness of club lights
while we sip on Apple martinis could it be he?
Or when we talk
in ways that would make a sailor blush
and wonder why we are not treated with respect
and as ladies
When we make
excuses for being late unfocused
and for unkempt houses…
Thinking Boaz, your Boaz will accept you for you.
You are worth far more then jewels
though you give yourself up for less
and even sometimes for free
Your reputation should precede you
elevating you to new levels of fame
not give you reason to hold your head down in shame
Daughter of the Most High, God
reclaim your position of grace
###
Lela Jefferson, © 2007 – 2010 All rights reserved.
I will pass the test of walking in love even in the midst of hurt feelings. I know that I am accepted by my Abba Father and am the righteousness of God.
If I must boldly stand apart and embark on things unknown, I know my faith in the covenant promises will be more than enough to sustain me.
I will see God’s will done through my life of bond servitude and my inheritance. Know this…I regret nothing, nor do I desire to go back through doors that have been clearly shut.
Lela Jefferson
- http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com
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