This past week “The Coach” and I had the opportunity to sit down, really talk and get down to the business of planning our wedding.  Personally I enjoy watching him do what he loves, it is so natural to him to coach, lead and mentor young men, and analyze and strategize the game of football.  His coaching expertise he was able to transfer to our wedding game planning.

Since we reconnected now almost 3 years ago I have seen him coach on three different levels; collegiate, professional and now high school.  So though we became engaged in May 2011, just before football season began, I knew that once the season had started, getting him to focus on wedding planning would be near to impossible.  During the season I did make a few trips out to visit with him.  We called them wedding scouting trips, me being his director of personnel:)  While most of his focus was spent coaching and mine on supporting him; we got the opportunity to pick each other’s brains a bit to discover our likes and dislikes.  For example, we addressed questions like… what type of budget were we both willing to commit to?  Were we going to elope? Would we have a destination wedding?  Where would we honeymoon?  We also touched on the topic of relocation since both of us currently live in two different states.

During those visits we agreed that we should complete the important elements of the wedding game planning, like setting a date, confirming a venue and the type of wedding we were going to have before the New Year.  Since I was also armed with the knowledge that during pre-season 2012; when the kids would be let out for the summer would be the perfect time for us to aim for setting the date for our big day and our honeymoon.  So all through last year’s season and post as his Coach’s Wife-to-Be I have been doing my part by scouting… I mean researching and submitting request for proposals to prospective vendors and venues, tapping my network of friends who had recently gotten married for tips and tricks.

So now that we are knee deep in the planning with a good amount of our wedding “To Do List” items executed.  I feel a sense of peace and relief.  I can honestly say that I am truly enjoying the process and pray that as we are not only planning for our wedding but for our marriage together we both continue to look at this as fantastic journey of new discovery.

© 2012 Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

It’s the holidays and yesterday, “The Coach” and I spent some quality time with my mother’s side of the family;  “The Jones-Medleys”.  It’s funny how you can see yourself and your unique habits mirrored in your kin’s.  For example, my 7 years old grand niece at one point took out her notebook and began to write her own observations of the event.  My big sister her grandmother said that she always has her notebook with her and she enjoys writing.

At one point she asked us how to spell “freaking out”.  All the adults in the room looked around and didn’t answer her.  A few minutes later I said… ‘Wait no one answered Amiah.’  She in turn said “Auntie, I moved on and decided to use another word.” My fiancée shook his head and said that he could picture that being something I would do when I was her age.  He knows me so well

© 2011 Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

Recently I sat down and had a conversation with one of my dear friends about Men.  It was not one of those stereotypical sessions where you have two girlfriends talking about guys and dogging them out.  Trust me it was far from that scenario.  We spoke of how important it is for men to see God as their ultimate source for how to love others unconditionally, to forgive and forget, to trust, to be an example of integrity, knowledge, wisdom and how quite simply provide for themselves and their families.

You see, God is the ultimate provider and father; when he created Man he fashioned him after himself.  Man was created because God desired to have a family/people to commune, provide for and share his abundant kingdom with.   Just like God, Man has that very same desire ingrained in him; to provide for those he cares for his own family.

In order for Man to be the true provider which he was created to be he has to be whole heartily in relationship with God.  Without this relationship it will be near to impossible for him to be a true sustainer.  When Man begins to trust in only what he creates of his own hands and things of this earth like money he is trusting in what is temporal.  God is forever and will never lose value, dry up or spoil.

If there is no consistent communication between God and Man, the seeds of confusion can be planted and quickly take root and eventually bear fruit.  Fruit like fear, lack, despair, depression, anger, and desperation on the side of man.  God is confident in who he is.  Man on the other hand until he is rooted and ground in the knowledge of God and his love will always try to make things happen out of his own abilities which are limited.

Man should never get this reality twisted.  Man did not create God, God created Man. And when he did, he did so with a purpose in mind.  Man was to be fruitful and multiple on this earth.  He was to further God’s kingdom until it spread across all four corners of the globe; making a perfect copy of God’s kingdom in heaven on earth.  Man was created to be the steward of this planet.  Yet, when he disobeyed God’s commandment and did not take responsibility for his own actions, he created a communication break down.

First, he ate from the Tree of Life that God explicitly told him not to.  Then he hid from God and lastly he blamed Eve who had not been given the commandment in the first place from God to obey.  Man/Adam was the one that God ultimately held responsible for following the community / Garden of Eden, his rules.  Here is where fear came on the scene and Man began instead of looking up for guidance from God, he began to look down and around himself to see how he could make things happen…

Man, you need to look UP!

© 2011 Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

His Princess Bride – Love Letters from Your Prince by Sheri Rose Shepherd. I am so loving this book. I purchased it today (8/16/11) at Borders and have not been able to put it down. I highly recommend it!

5/28/11 I became engaged to the man of my tomorrow, today and yesterday. A man that is not only my Boaz, but also my Issac, Joseph, Malachi, Samuel and Paul. A man that has gone through the fire knowing the only reason why he is still standing is because of the God in Him, the Lord he serves and the calling on his life he must willingly and joyously bow down to. He is the man that gives me the desire to develop daily and truly into a Proverbs 31 Woman…

So… you missed the mark. You sinned. You were disobedient to God’s will / His word. Now what? FYI Its okay, God already knows what you did. Will there be consequences? Sure there will be. It’s okay to go to him and talk about it and get the instruction on how to get back on track. God is God, he created you and he has given you a purpose to fulfill. But first you need to get over yourself… (YOU-R-SELF)…  relax he is waiting for you; he has made an opening just for you in his busy schedule.

Psalm 32 (The Message)

A David Psalm

¹ Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start,
your slate’s wiped clean.

² Count yourself lucky—
God holds nothing against you
and you’re holding nothing back from him.

³ When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans.

⁴ The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.

⁵ Then I let it all out;
I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.”

Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.

⁶ These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we’ll be on high ground, untouched.

⁷ God’s my island hideaway,
keeps danger far from the shore,
throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

⁸ Let me give you some good advice;
I’m looking you in the eye
and giving it to you straight:

⁹ “Don’t be ornery like a horse or mule
that needs bit and bridle
to stay on track.”

¹⁰ God-defiers are always in trouble;
God-affirmers find themselves loved
every time they turn around.

¹¹ Celebrate God.
Sing together—everyone!
All you honest hearts, raise the roof!

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

Just a week ago today was Valentine’s Day and I am still basking in the love and affection shown by my Coach.  There is something to be said about simplicity.  When you practice loving someone everyday it doesn’t take much to impress them.

Flowers die, teddy bears gather dust, but words of encouragement, sentiment that feel as real as a longing embrace and as sweet as a butterfly kiss across your cheek… are priceless!

This past Saturday evening my favorite football coach and I decided to take an alternate way back to Brooklyn from church and the City.  He is home for a least a month to spend some quality time with me, his family and friends; since the UFL’s 2010 season is over. The absolute gentleman he is, he normally rides with me via my train route to my stop and walks me to my door.  However this evening I convinced him that I would be fine if we took his train route home, since my stop is right after his.   I knew he was tired and I was attempting to be accommodating and save us some time getting home.

See, this December marks our one year anniversary as a couple officially.  We have been friends since high school and reconnected about two years ago.  December is also my birthday month, so having him so close is a present / blessing all by itself.

Being the typical New Yorker I am before we entered the train, I took a look at the signage at the token booth to see if there were any scheduling changes.  Since none were posted we paid our fares and proceed to go to the platform where our train should arrive to take us home.  However when we got there the signage stated that the express trains were running on the local track where we just had come from!

Not getting upset while he allowed me to decide which direction we were going to take and the fact that we just ran down and up two flights of steps, my love told me once again that I was a trip.  Then he just proceeds to smile, hug me and tell me he was just glad to be spending this time with me.  Talk about cool points!

In the interim of all this we run into one of my new little sisters at church.  She and I end up talking for a second.  After she and I finish our conversation my love and I finally get on a train heading to Brooklyn.  One of his other nicknames for me is social butterfly I wonder why?   In addition to all this, we had learned we would have to transfer to another train in order to arrive to our destination of Brooklyn.  When we arrived at one of the stations on our route he sees an express train and decides we should sprint for it. However, we then hear the overhead announcer telling us that all passengers would have to switch to the train we were just were on to get to the South Ferry, where we would get our free transfer into Brooklyn.  So, what do you think we do? If you guessed that the two of us sprint back to our train, giggling all the way, you would have guessed correctly.  Truly it was just a pleasure to be there and talk with him.

When we arrived at the South Ferry station, we are then told we have to leave the station and walk one block to the Bowling Green stop.  Honestly if I had been by myself walking in that pitch blackness, the outside perimeter of the Bowling Green, I would had been praying for an extra legion of angels to protect me.  The signage was horrible and the walkway not well lit.  When we arrived at what we thought was the entrance of the station, there was no transit personnel in sight.  Some of our fellow passengers used the talk box to get directions to where we had to go to get our free transfer.  It turned out to be another block away and across the street!

At the station, my love jokingly says to the station agent that they were not really trying to give us the free transfer.  Her response back to him was at least we got some free exercise.  At that point I had to remind myself that I was in fact a saved born again Christian.  The Coach however, thought he was going to have to hold me back.  He didn’t have to though I took control of my emotions   After that exchange we proceed to go to our platform and wait for our train to arrive.  At that point I did a quiet prayer for seats.  My love shook his head at me in disbelief and said he should update his Facebook status to read only the message “She prayed for seats!”  He had prayed earlier for our train to arrive in a timely fashion, so my seats prayer was to cover all the bases

Shortly thereafter our train did arrive and it was not but for one stop and I did in fact get my seat    My love on the other hand who at first laughed at me rode all the way home standing.  Who says my Lord does not provide even for the little things like seats! In the end, the train ride was one I will always remember and as you see had to write about.  My love even wants to do it again, get lost in the transit system with me on purpose go figure   Life is truly a journey, however it’s up to us to decide if its going to be a pleasurable one or one of regret.

He Treats Her Like a Lady

/ / Chapter 2  //

Three years earlier and a week before Valentine’s Day; Alex had just left her house to catch the train to work, when she was hit by a walking vision.  A vision that stopped her completely in her tracks and caused her to audibly plead the blood of Jesus over what she saw; praying for the memory of it to be speedily cast from her mind.

A vision of her long-time boyfriend, who she had rekindled three months prior her relationship with; a man who she thought was the love her life in the throes of passion with another man.

See Pierre after relocating from New York to Florida six-months earlier, had taken a job running deliveries for a local chain of night clubs in South Miami.  What he had not told her was that one of the clubs owners who was openly gay had been hitting on him and that he had begun to have dreams of accepting his propositions.  Propositions of buying him lavish gifts and paying off his debts. Debts he had accumulated after Alex had cut him off financially after changing jobs herself and taking a pay cut to pursue a career in the non-profit sector fulltime.

So, the vision should not have shocked her.  The signs had been there throughout their relationship however she cared to ignore that she may have been in a relationship for more than six years with a man that had more secrets than she cared to know.  She had thought her ignorance was bliss, but because a growing relationship with God her higher power; all that was in the dark was about to suddenly come to the light.

Alex prayers, “Heavenly Father, let this not be true! I cast down this vision in the mighty name of Jesus and I plead the blood over this situation now, Amen!”

Feeling uneasy for the last few days, she had not heard from Pierre in almost a week and had known he was driving an extended cross country trip from the East Coast to the West Coast on business.  His vocation as a truck driver sometimes made it difficult for them to connect, but almost a week was not normal.

After praying she was able to somehow stumble into work, the day seemed to drag.  Alex had attempted to text and call Pierre more times than she would care to tell during the day.  Finally, when almost everyone had left the office Alex still plugging away at a project hears her phone awaken from its deafening silence.  She glances down and sees it’s a text from him.  She almost doesn’t want to read it knowing in her heart that it will confirm all her fears, but she does.  It reads “Something happened…”

An excerpt from “He Treats Her Like a Lady” a new short story still in the works  …

Lela Jefferson, © 2010 All rights reserved.

– www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

He Treats Her Like a Lady

/ / Chapter 1  //

She sits and stares pondering how she could had forgotten how it felt to be treated as she should, like a lady only after so short of a time.  He asks her if she is ok, because her face had contorted while she was lost in thought.   She tells him she is fine.  Her mind had only wandered away for a moment.

She stares down at her left ring finger again and then into his eyes and smiles.  Inwardly thanking God for loving her so much to bring him back into her life.  And now he has pledged himself to her.  She is now his wife.  Just a few moments ago they said their vows and sipped from the communion cup, confirming before God and all those that they love to honor and cherish each other for the rest of their lives.

She is now Mrs. Alexia Uhuru St. Claire, married to the man of her dreams and her prayers.  It all quickly comes back to her as she comes out of her daze; they are seated at the bride and groom’s table at their wedding reception.  Family and friends are hitting their champagne flutes, giving the ceremonial signal that they would like to see the newlyweds kiss.  Her husband, wow it still sounds weird even in her own head to comprehend that Charles is now her husband.  He leans towards her and kisses her softly on the lips.  He pulls away just a bit and lingers just before moving to her ear to mouth the words “I love you”.  Alexia, sighs again before saying the same to him.

An excerpt from “He Treats Her Like a Lady” a new short story still in the works  …

Lela Jefferson, © 2010 All rights reserved.

– www.memoirsofablackgirl.com