Why the word FEAR is no longer in my vocabulary…
By definition the word Termination means to come to a closing, to bring something to an end.
As I look back as another chapter of my life has closed. I smile at the realization that God has prepared a new one for me. I know what I have gone through has only prepared me for what I am about to experience…an explosion of blessings.
On January 29th, 2009 I was released from my last place of employment. Most people may have looked at the situation and say to themselves “What am I going to do now? I spent the last two (2) almost three (3) years of my life working for this company! How could they?”
In that split second of realization of what was happening to me, that I was being released I made conscience decision. One not to act like a fool or even cry and two that I did not work for this company or Man in general instead I worked for God. Three that I also wanted to leave with grace and peace, so I sucked up the one tear that was trying to fall repented and thanked them for the opportunity. Finally I let them know I would be available if they needed anything and I also did not want to leave without giving them a list of open projects I was working on.
When asked if I wanted to give a written statement otherwise known as an excuse for my actions. I said no. That whatever I needed to say I would take it to my Heavenly Father in prayer and ask him to correct whatever He felt in my character needed correcting.
At that point I was given the honor to go back to my office and prepare for my departure. As I sat for that last time in front of my computer, I thought to myself ‘Why Lord am I doing this? Putting a list together to help them?’ At that moment I heard a very quiet voice which I knew to be the Holy Spirit say … “You are doing this because you are a child of God and not of the Devil. You will not make this challenge a blessing blocker for your life but a stepping stone towards what I have for you. I am not done with you, yet!”
At that moment I felt peace come over me like a wave. Every action I did afterward was almost mechanical. When I finally got home I posed another question not to myself, but instead to my Heavenly Father my Jehovah Jireh (my provider) and said to Him in prayer ‘What do YOU want me to do now?’ Again I heard a quiet voice in my head…the voice told me “Read what I lead your hand to read, watch what I lead your eyes to watch, speak what I tell you to speak and write what I tell you to write.” For days that led into nights… to weeks that is all I did and I don’t believe I have ever been closer in tune with the Holy Spirit.
The Holy Spirit began to open up my mind’s eye after I began to pray for wisdom to show me that I had everything I needed around me. From books I had purchased to articles I had printed out, to writings I kept in journals and a business plan and income generating ideas from years past to people I knew.
He even pressed on my Pastors’ hearts and those of guest ministers at my church to teach lessons on How to pray and hear from God…How not to overcome and recognize the different faces of fear… They even have taught on how to believe in the peace of God and how to SPEAK against bouts of worry and condemnation.
This last month or so has been like God has been speaking directly to me no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing. It feels as if my ears had been clogged and finally they were open again to hear Him tell me what He needed me to do.
I am just thankful for the people he has brought into my life during this time. And for all those that are waiting for me to say “All is not well and that I have fear.” You can keep on waiting for its not going to happen.
I can proudly proclaim that “Fear” is no longer a word in my vocabulary. I am living and have the peace of God. He is not done with me yet!
Scriptures I am standing on:
1 Corinthians 9:19 KJV
For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.
Proverbs 31 (Whole Chapter)
Psalm 49 (Whole Chapter)
Psalm 51 (Whole Chapter)
Psalm 90 (Whole Chapter)
Psalm 91 (Whole Chapter)
1 Kings (Whole Chapter)
1 & 2 Samuel (Whole Chapter)
Nehemiah (Whole Chapter)
Esther (Whole Chapter)
Lela Jefferson is an aspiring writer and New Media Public Relations Professional. She is the owner of Urban PR Connection – A New Media PR Firm. She is also working on her first book her memoirs and editing a collection of her poetry scheduled for release winter 2009-10. You can learn more about Lela at her Memoirs Blog: http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com
© 2009, Lela Jefferson Fagan. All rights reserved.