Features,  Latest News

Who is in the Driver’s Seat?

I am learning that submission in marriage only works when you actually do it.   And the “S” on my undergarments only stands for “Spanx”, not “Superwoman”.  Now let me explain, I grew up in a household where my parents were separated for most of my life…

My father was there because I was one of those children that demanded you be involved in my life.  To me my mother was a Superwoman.  We didn’t have much financially.  However, she always had a roof over our heads; kept a decent house and food in the fridge and clothing on our backs.   She understood the importance of recycling before it became all the rage; from collecting cans to buying our clothing from Goodwill or the Salvation’s Army.  She could stretch a dollar and save enough to help someone else in need.

My parents had unofficial agreement in regards to how they shared custody of me.  I lived full-time with my mother.  However on the weekends my time was split between my mother’s and my father’s.  At age 7 or 8, after experiencing a couple of weekends when my father did not show up to pick me up;  I decided to take the matter into my own little hands and journey using mass transit to where he was living to see him.  My mother, father and I had taken the route several times, and so I was familiar with it.  I also received my own little allowance so I knew how much the bus was and that I could afford it.  At that time, NYC transit fare was under a dollar!

In essence because of my experiences when it was time for me to move out on my own; I honestly did not want to ask my parents for anything.  They had already done so much I did not want to burden them.  I had to come home early from school however due to a financial reason.  That experience sealed the deal for me even more.

From that point on, I had been in the driver’s seat of my life.  When I rededicated my life to Christ in 2004 I did relinquished the controls to Jesus, but just like everyone there are still times when I wanted to take the wheel back and ended up crashing and burning!

Now I am married and have gone through premarital counseling and understand the importance of submitting to my husband.

I married a man of God.  So submitting to him is not difficult and I have already experienced some scenarios where when I did submit seemly impossible things became possible.  On the flipside, I have also experienced when I was slow in my obedience or submitting all things to him all heck wanted to break lose!

Hey it’s only been less than 50 days since we were Wed I am still applying what I have learned!

So to answer the question above; who is in the driver’s seat in my relationship with my husband?  He is.  Yet God is in the driver’s seat in both our lives.

Team G.O.A.L. (God, Oji and Lela)

22 Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[b] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33 NIV

© 2012 – 2013, Lela Jefferson Fagan. All rights reserved.

Lela Fagan (Jefferson) is the author of the book “Poetry of a Black Girl: The Darkness and the Light” and lead blogger at “Memoirs of a Black Girl”. Lela is an avid reader “A Real Bookworm” of all things in print. She finds joy in sharing socially and blogging about topics that matter the most to her. Born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. Lela now lives in Houston, TX with her husband Oji, an educator and Football Coach. @LelaJefferson - See more at: http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com/

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.