Saturday, November 26, 2016
There are times when I sit alone and think; where has the time gone? What have I done with my life? Have I accomplished anything? Who and what am I living my life for? Then I looked at my calendar and realized its around that time of the month, and I am just a bit melodramatic. However, a week from tomorrow I turn 38. I am two years from 40, and I am truly not happy. I am not living my best life. I know this to be true, I am just cruising through life at times on autopilot. I have moments when I look in the mirror and I say to myself that I am beautiful, but in the same breathe I am calling myself fat and unattractive. I have become a freaking cliché! I am the big girl with a cute face. Somehow I gained fifty pounds since I got married. I got lazy and comfortable to be quite honest. I started feeling sorry for myself when I learned that I had health challenges. I learned unhealthy habits from my husband. It happens. Yet, it may seem that I am here crying over spilled milk, I am really not. Now I want to make a change.
My husband and I are about to be parents. We are preparing to become foster-to-adoptive parents. I don’t want my children one day to not be without their mother or my husband his wife. I don’t want to be the fat mom in all the photos either. I don’t like climbing a flight of steps and feeling as if I can’t breathe. I don’t want my breast, though I am naturally chesty to restart to resemble California Kingsize bed pillow either. So, I am ready to impart on my own “Year of Yes.”
© 2016, Lela Jefferson Fagan. All rights reserved.