July 2013
Marriage is a journey of learning, adapting, and growing—especially when it comes to communication. One of the first significant lessons I learned as a newlywed came in the form of a seemingly small, yet deeply personal challenge: my road test.
A Lesson in Communication and Confidence
After failing my first attempt at the Texas road test, I found myself in a frustrating period of self-doubt. I had done very little driving in the weeks following my failed attempt, and at first, I thought my husband was intentionally holding back from taking me out to practice. I wasn’t sure why I felt this way because this behavior wasn’t true to his character.
Looking back, I realize we had both internalized the situation. He later admitted that he felt responsible for my struggle, believing he had “crippled” my chances of passing by not focusing more on parallel parking during our practice sessions. At the same time, I blamed myself for not effectively communicating my challenges to him.
Understanding My Learning Style
During my driving lessons, parking was my biggest struggle. I had only practiced parallel parking once before my test, and I quickly realized that Texas driving schools taught it differently from what I had learned back home in New York. In New York, instructors used real cars as props, but in Texas, cones and poles represented parked vehicles. This method completely threw me off.
I am both a visual and application learner—I need to see something demonstrated and then practice it myself for it to stick. When my instructor tried explaining how to park using poles, I must have looked at her like a deer in headlights. She was patient, but I still wasn’t getting it. This frustration built up, yet I didn’t express the full extent of my struggle to my husband, assuming he would just know.
Later, my uncle-in-law, a truck driver, helped me practice in his pickup truck. He taught me how to use my side mirrors effectively and even let me drive independently in his truck depot. This experience was a game-changer—it allowed me to visualize myself driving alone, which significantly boosted my confidence.
Silent Assumptions and Turning to Faith
Even though my husband wasn’t taking me out to drive as often, I never voiced my feelings about it. Instead, I turned the situation over to God. I prayed for patience and wisdom, realizing that if I had spoken out of frustration, it could have caused unnecessary tension in our new marriage. I needed time to rebuild my confidence before trying again.
A Much-Needed Getaway
The weekend after my failed test, we embarked on our second in-state road trip of the summer. My husband was scheduled to coach at his first Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) sports camp at Texas A&M in College Station. This camp was different from the others he had worked at—it encouraged family participation, so I was able to join him for the week.
Originally, if I had passed my test, I would have helped with the drive. But my husband, knowing I wasn’t mentally ready to get behind the wheel, didn’t push me. Instead, we took the trip as an opportunity to reset.
Unplugging to Reconnect
When we arrived at our lodgings—a two-story townhouse—we quickly discovered that we had no internet access. We had forgotten to pack our Ethernet cables, and the only WiFi available was in the clubhouse. Instead of going out to buy a new cable, we made an unexpected decision: to go completely internet-free for the week.
This unplanned digital detox turned out to be a blessing. It gave us time to truly connect as a married couple, uninterrupted by social media, emails, or distractions. Having just celebrated our first wedding anniversary, this trip became a pivotal moment for us.
Throughout our courtship—most of which was long-distance—communication had been our strongest foundation. My husband, being more old-school, preferred phone conversations over video calls, so we had always made it a priority to keep our lines of communication open. This week without internet reinforced just how essential that was.
Personal Growth and Renewed Determination
During this period, I also focused on personal development. I had brought a small collection of books with me, including Joyce Meyer’s Be Anxious for Nothing: The Art of Casting Your Cares and Resting in God, and I had recently finished Dr. Creflo A. Dollar’s SOS, My Flesh Needs Discipline. These readings helped me reframe my mindset, reminding me that setbacks are just temporary obstacles, not permanent failures.
My road test had become a personal mountain I needed to overcome. Seventeen years had passed since I first attempted to get my license, and I was ready to move forward.
Final Thoughts
Looking back, I realize that this experience taught me two important lessons about marriage and personal growth:
- Effective communication is key. My husband and I both had assumptions and emotions we weren’t openly discussing, which led to unnecessary stress. I learned that being transparent about my struggles allows for better support and understanding.
- Challenges are opportunities for growth. Failing my road test was frustrating, but it led me to a deeper appreciation of patience, faith, and perseverance.
Marriage, much like driving, is a continuous journey of learning and adjusting. And just like I eventually mastered parallel parking, I also learned that open communication and trust are the keys to navigating life’s roadblocks—together.
© 2024 – 2025, Lela Fagan. All rights reserved.
