Memoirs of a Black Girl

5/28/11 I became engaged to the man of my tomorrow, today and yesterday. A man that is not only my Boaz, but also my Issac, Joseph, Malachi, Samuel and Paul. A man that has gone through the fire knowing the only reason why he is still standing is because of the God in Him, the Lord he serves and the calling on his life he must willingly and joyously bow down to. He is the man that gives me the desire to develop daily and truly into a Proverbs 31 Woman…

In 2006 there were a few factors that if I did not have a relationship (meaning a prayer life) with God I may have wanted to check out… nothing extreme like taking my own life. However if I could I would have just become invisible and just disappeared from the craziness of what was becoming my everyday routine. I had bouts with depression, my behavior and attitude changed, and not for the better. I was under a lot of pressure and more responsibilities than I would have cared to have. Yet quitting was not an option for me…

See, 2006 was the year my mother went home to be with the Lord. The job and career that I had successfully progressed in I no longer had a passion to do. In some ways my family was on the verge of falling apart and though I was the youngest I had to stand in place as if I was the eldest and make some life changing decisions. I felt as if I was back in time and was experiencing the emotions and happenings that I did when my dad past five years earlier. It was also the year that I was first offered an opportunity to work in fulltime ministry…

The big difference though the morning my mother passed I awoke for the first time with the unction to pray at 4AM first in the spirit for an hour and then in my natural language just to say…”God… no matter what people, places or things you must remove from my life in order for me to walk and be in your prefect will for it..I will not get angry with you, I so swear.”

Little did I know that promise I cried out to God in the wee hours of the morning on March 15, 2006 would be tested time and time again in the years to come…

To be continued… I welcome your comments!

Lela Jefferson – http://www.memoirsofablackgirl.com

Psalm 45: 1 (Amplified) MY HEART overflows with a ^[a]goodly theme; I address my psalm to a King. My tongue is like the pen of a ready writer.

“Spiritual Vomit”!?!? What the heck is that you may be asking…?  Does it sound gross to you? It should. The repercussions that come from not purging your soul, can cause you to have unexpected verbal accidents.

As I have been taught, man is a tri-part being he is a spirit that possesses a soul/heart (where his thinker, feeler, and chooser reside) and he has and lives in body.  When we die in the physical our spirit man is separated from our flesh (our earth suit) and the decisions we made while we were alive affect where we end up living out eternity.

My spirit man, when I became born again was made new. However my soul/heart needs to be renewed daily.  That means what I allow into its gates through my ears, my eyes, by what I touch and what comes out of my mouth must line up with the Word of God.  This way my spirit and soul/heart can become on one accord.  When they are not, the possibility for verbal accidents based in flesh to happen can seem unavoidable.  For example, I have been called snappy on more than number of occasions, as it relates to my responses… snappy means briskly cold. Am I proud of it? No, it’s an area where I need to continue develop in.  It’s an area where I can visualize my spirit man physically getting ill because it has to witness my soul/heart controlling how my body reacts to situations.  Its base is fear…

Going back to the topic of this article, “Spiritual Vomit”; if you noticed above I made mention that our soul/heart is where our thinker, feeler, and chooser reside.  So it is safe to say that if you think a certain way, and feel a certain way you will choose to do a certain action, right?  Again hypothetically speaking, if I think on doing something for a while (mediate on it), I will begin to have strong feelings and eventually will choose to do it or because I have been mediating on it for so long, I will begin to act out on my thoughts by instinct.  Think of a person that has learned to drive.  After awhile the fact that in order to keep the car moving forward requires them to press their foot on the accelerator and hold onto the steering wheel to keep the car steady will become almost as instinctual as breathing.

The same can be said about a person and their attitudes towards others. If you think a particular way about a person, you will begin to feel also a particular way about them and so either way good, bad or indifferent will begin to treat them based on those feelings.  When you see them your face may also read a different message to what you are actually saying.  This scenario can also cause you to seem phony, not truthful to people because you are attempting to mask your feelings.  I am not saying it’s ok either to go around telling people exactly how you truly feel, because it can be considered offensive.  Depending on the delivery, the timing and the words you use… Trust me, I know.  Choose your battles… However, I do recommend that you examine yourself before you react.

If you are not cautious with your words, you may even begin to make comments that reflect flesh based feelings.  These little comments may seem accidental but are really what you are feeling in the city of your soul.

Usually what makes you angry is what you are afraid of.  Or what annoys you, is what you have given power to trigger negative reactions from you.  When my Pastor taught these two points a number of years ago it really hit home.  What more than anything hit me is that I can choose how I react and what I react to.  I have the ability to stop verbal slip ups from escaping my lips.

Now what are some of the repercussions of NOT purging your soul?

1)      Lost relationships

2)      Doors of opportunity being shut

3)      Communication breakdown

Cheers to fewer clean ups in the aisle called you!

Reference Scriptures

John 6:63 (Amplified) It is the Spirit Who gives life [He is the Life-giver]; the flesh conveys no benefit whatever [there is no profit in it]. The words (truths) that I have been speaking to you are spirit and life.

Romans 8:1-7 (Amplified) ¹THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit.^(A)

²For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.

³For God has done what the Law could not do, [its power] being weakened by the flesh [^[a]the entire nature of man without the Holy Spirit]. Sending His own Son in the guise of sinful flesh and as an offering for sin, [God] condemned sin in the flesh [^[b]subdued, overcame, ^[c]deprived it of its power over all who accept that sacrifice],^(B)

⁴So that the righteous and just requirement of the Law might be fully met in us who live and move not in the ways of the flesh but in the ways of the Spirit [our lives governed not by the standards and according to the dictates of the flesh, but controlled by the Holy Spirit].

⁵For those who are according to the flesh and are controlled by its unholy desires set their minds on and ^[d]pursue those things which gratify the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit and are controlled by the desires of the Spirit set their minds on and ^[e]seek those things which gratify the [Holy] Spirit.

⁶Now the mind of the flesh [which is sense and reason without the Holy Spirit] is death [death that ^[f]comprises all the miseries arising from sin, both here and hereafter]. But the mind of the [Holy] Spirit is life and [soul] peace [both now and forever].

⁷[That is] because the mind of the flesh [with its carnal thoughts and purposes] is hostile to God, for it does not submit itself to God’s Law; indeed it cannot.

⁸So then those who are living the life of the flesh [catering to the appetites and impulses of their carnal nature] cannot please or satisfy God, or be acceptable to Him.

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

So… you missed the mark. You sinned. You were disobedient to God’s will / His word. Now what? FYI Its okay, God already knows what you did. Will there be consequences? Sure there will be. It’s okay to go to him and talk about it and get the instruction on how to get back on track. God is God, he created you and he has given you a purpose to fulfill. But first you need to get over yourself… (YOU-R-SELF)…  relax he is waiting for you; he has made an opening just for you in his busy schedule.

Psalm 32 (The Message)

A David Psalm

¹ Count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start,
your slate’s wiped clean.

² Count yourself lucky—
God holds nothing against you
and you’re holding nothing back from him.

³ When I kept it all inside,
my bones turned to powder,
my words became daylong groans.

⁴ The pressure never let up;
all the juices of my life dried up.

⁵ Then I let it all out;
I said, “I’ll make a clean breast of my failures to God.”

Suddenly the pressure was gone—
my guilt dissolved,
my sin disappeared.

⁶ These things add up. Every one of us needs to pray;
when all hell breaks loose and the dam bursts
we’ll be on high ground, untouched.

⁷ God’s my island hideaway,
keeps danger far from the shore,
throws garlands of hosannas around my neck.

⁸ Let me give you some good advice;
I’m looking you in the eye
and giving it to you straight:

⁹ “Don’t be ornery like a horse or mule
that needs bit and bridle
to stay on track.”

¹⁰ God-defiers are always in trouble;
God-affirmers find themselves loved
every time they turn around.

¹¹ Celebrate God.
Sing together—everyone!
All you honest hearts, raise the roof!

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

2 Corinthians 6:14 (The Message)

^14-18Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark? Does Christ go strolling with the Devil? Do trust and mistrust hold hands? Who would think of setting up pagan idols in God’s holy Temple? But that is exactly what we are, each of us a temple in whom God lives. God himself put it this way:
“I’ll live in them, move into them;
I’ll be their God and they’ll be my people.
So leave the corruption and compromise;
leave it for good,” says God.
“Don’t link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself.
I’ll be a Father to you;
you’ll be sons and daughters to me.”
The Word of the Master, God.

I will be the first one to tell you, when it comes to matters of the heart and romance in general I am not an expert. I can only speak from my own experiences. I can count my relationships actually on one hand. One of which lasted way beyond its prescribed expiration date, it had just been bad and personal pride and a genuine desire for me to see it work had me hold on and be in pursuit of what turned out to be an unhappily ever after. Putting that all aside for it is in my past…

As I have written about before I am a big opponent to the term dating when it comes at least to describing my own current relationship. Dating by loose definition has an expiration it certainly must end. Courting on the other hand has a purpose in mind from its beginning and eventually will bring the two people in that courtship into covenant with each other through matrimony. As I see it my Intended has been courting me since we reconnected almost 3 years ago. We were blessed to have a shared history, yes. He and I went to high school together, but that was really it. When we graduated we parted ways and at the time were just acquaintances.

So, oddly enough when fate reconnected us and we began working on establishing a friendship based on our common interest of wanting to grow in closer relationship with God. The thought that we would slowly but surely grow in love with each never crossed my mind. It just happened because at first I saw him just as my friend. A person I had fond memories of from high school and was enjoying getting to know.

All of us have heard the term that when getting to know someone it is important to have “lengthy conversations”. To tell you the truth, the advice should really be given to have “lengthy quality conversations.” Relationships that are meant to last require substance God’s word is the best.

Whether you are “dating” or enjoying a courtship just remember to always check to whom you are pursuing and who is in pursuit of whom…

Matthew 6:33 (The Message)

^30-33“If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

Exodus 34:9 (Amplified Bible)

⁹And he said, If now I have found favor and loving-kindness in Your sight, O Lord, let the Lord, I pray You, go in the midst of us, although it is a stiff-necked people, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us for Your inheritance.

Did you know a generational curse can be broken and become a generational lesson…? How? If it is received by a teachable heart, humble spirit, which is also willing to make sacrifices and make, changes by faith for the better.

The other day as I was entering my apartment building I was confronted with something that I had wished I hadn’t. Yet, it brought me to the point where I felt compelled to write this article. What I saw was a young girl, the daughter of one of one of my childhood playmates clearly pregnant. The reason why I wish I had not seen it was because just a generation ago, her mother had been in her shoes; under 18 and pregnant with her. Just like her mother, she was very beautiful, popular and book smart. However, again just like her mother, she had let temptations win the battle to bring her to her present state underage and having a baby out of wedlock. To be very frank, she could have been my own daughter, had I made different decisions.

My mother too had become pregnant before she turned 18 and before she was married. Not with me but with one of my siblings our ages span a difference of almost 30 years. Unlike my friend though my mother who was born in the late 1930s; grew up in foster care because of my grandmother’s early death and my grandfather’s inability to take care of his 5 children on his own. He was an alcoholic, and a World War II veteran that had his own demons. When he married my grandmother her family had disowned her. She had come from a prominent family in Barbados and my grandfather was a half black half Native American service man from Virginia.

Due to my immediate family strong influence and their desire not to see me repeat their own iniquities, instead of condemning her, I felt in my own way I needed to empower her. I find that too many times we look at how we meet a person or see them in their present state and typecast them in a sense cursing them. What I wanted to do was envision her future as bright as it could be.

For it is not my place to judge nor did I want to; in my heart and under my breathe I began to pray. First interceding that the strain of sin that seemed to still be active in her family to stop and also let loose a blessing that her child and her would finally learn the lesson and become the generations to be delivered, healed and restored from iniquity.

It only takes a generation to make a difference, and change the course of a family; you can be that generation.

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

Every time I go to Malcolm Shabazz Harlem Market (116th and Lenox Avenue, Harlem NY); I have to make sure that I shop with budget and with a time limit.  This past Friday evening, I stopped by my favorite African bag designer Mr. Dam’s booth  and picked up three pieces.  My original goal was to just get one bag… but when I looked around I fell in love with three!

© 2011, Lela Jefferson. All rights reserved.

Just a week ago today was Valentine’s Day and I am still basking in the love and affection shown by my Coach.  There is something to be said about simplicity.  When you practice loving someone everyday it doesn’t take much to impress them.

Flowers die, teddy bears gather dust, but words of encouragement, sentiment that feel as real as a longing embrace and as sweet as a butterfly kiss across your cheek… are priceless!

The illusion of my crown draws attention from those that would normally not speak.
As their minds are confused by what their eyes see

I openly let them know that my crown is an added extension of me
Freely I change its look to suit my needs

The illusion of my crown draws attention from those that would normally not speak.
My honesty brings clarity to confused minds that eyes stare in disbelief.

The randomness of who I am. I was talking to my beau the other day about my hair and he tells me…”Babe, why are you even looking for a signature look?  Just resolve to the fact, you change your hair like the seasons.”  He is right though

I took a minute and thought about his comment further AND the different hair styles I have had since I cut off my dreadlocks in the spring of 2005.  For the 12+ years that I had them, even after they had reach well past my behind I attempted to spice them up with different styles.

I guess that desire in me has not died to always attempt to evolve and change myself for the better.  Specifically speaking in regards to my hair, I have gone from the short Halle Berry signature pixie, to a colored texturized afro, to curly and straight half wigs and weaves in varying lengths to two toned micro braids and Chaka Khan / 70s Diana Ross auburn free flowing tresses.

My next hair style… only my sister-friend that does my hair and I know.  Yet, I can tell you this.  Underneath it all I can honestly say that I love me and the randomness of who God created me to be.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew [and] approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, consecrating you; …” Jeremiah 1:5