What a forgotten goals list taught me about growth, grace, and becoming
Recently, while sorting through old notebooks, I found a page I had completely forgotten about.
At the top was a simple heading:
Goals — Improve on All
Underneath were seven things I wanted to work on:
- Communication skills
- Trust
- Understanding
- Financial wisdom
- Good relationship with the opposite sex
- Weight loss
- Peace within my family
When I wrote that list, I wasn’t creating content.
I wasn’t preparing a blog post.
I wasn’t imagining that nearly two decades later I would be reading it again.
I was simply trying to become better.
The Woman Behind the List
The list was written during one of the most uncertain seasons of my life.
I was rebuilding after a major transition.
I was trying to find stable employment.
I was healing from disappointment.
I was asking hard questions about my future.
What strikes me now is that I wasn’t focused on changing my circumstances.
I was focused on changing myself.
That difference matters.
Seven Things That Still Matter
As I read through the list today, I laughed.
Not because it feels outdated.
Because it doesn’t.
Every single item is still relevant.
Communication.
Trust.
Understanding.
Financial wisdom.
Healthy relationships.
Health.
Peace within my family.
Seventeen years later, I am still intentionally working on every one of them.
And maybe that’s the lesson.
Some goals aren’t destinations.
They’re directions.
Communication Skills
I wanted to become a better communicator.
Today, I write books, blog posts, newsletters, social media content, ministry communications, and professional documentation.
Yet communication remains one of the areas where I continue to grow.
Because communication isn’t just speaking.
It’s listening.
It’s clarity.
It’s compassion.
It’s learning how to say difficult things with grace.
The woman who wanted to become a better communicator eventually became a writer.
Trust
Trust was difficult for me.
Loss has a way of teaching caution.
Disappointment teaches you to brace for impact.
Yet I knew enough to write the word down.
Today I understand that trust isn’t blind optimism.
It’s choosing faith even when certainty isn’t available.
It’s believing that God is still working when I can’t yet see the outcome.
Understanding
At thirty, I thought understanding meant having answers.
At forty-seven, I think it means extending grace.
Parenting three neurodivergent children has expanded my understanding more than any book ever could.
Understanding has become less about being right and more about being willing to learn.
The older I get, the more I realize that wisdom often begins with humility.
Financial Wisdom
This one still makes me smile.
The woman who wrote that list was trying to survive.
The woman reading it today is helping her family build a future.
I haven’t mastered financial wisdom.
But I have grown in it.
And growth matters.
I’ve learned that financial wisdom isn’t just about earning more.
It’s about stewarding well what God places in your hands.
Good Relationships
This wasn’t really about romance.
It was about learning how to connect with people in healthy ways.
Learning boundaries.
Learning communication.
Learning mutual respect.
Those lessons would eventually strengthen friendships, family relationships, ministry relationships, and yes, my marriage.
Healthy relationships begin with becoming a healthy person.
Weight Loss
This goal has appeared on more than one list over the years.
Recently, I celebrated reaching a weight I hadn’t seen in years.
But the older I get, the more I realize this goal was never really about a number.
It was about stewardship.
It was about health.
It was about honoring the body God entrusted to me.
The scale may measure pounds, but it cannot measure confidence, discipline, or growth.
Peace Within My Family
This one hits differently now.
In 2009, I was hoping for peace.
Today, I find myself helping to cultivate it.
Recently, both sides of my family have become more connected.
My Jefferson cousins have an active group text where we share updates, memories, encouragement, and the occasional family humor that only relatives understand.
My sister Thelma, her children, and I have our own family group text that helps us stay connected across busy lives and different generations.
Earlier this year, I also began intentionally reconnecting with nieces and nephews from another branch of the family.
As the youngest sister, I sometimes find myself in a unique position—close enough to different generations and branches of the family to help keep connections alive.
What I once wrote as a hope has become both a blessing and a responsibility.
Not perfection.
Not the absence of challenges.
Connection.
Grace.
Presence.
Peace.
The older I get, the more I realize that family peace isn’t the absence of conflict. It’s the willingness to remain connected. It’s checking in. It’s reaching out. It’s celebrating milestones, sharing memories, and making room for one another as life changes.
Looking back, I realize God answered that prayer in ways I never expected.
The List Was Never Finished
What strikes me most about this old page is that it reminds me of how I’ve always approached vision boards.
I’ve never believed a vision board expires after one year.
Some of the vision boards I created in 2018 are still unfolding today.
When I look back at screenshots of those boards, I see dreams that took years to develop.
Writing more was on those boards.
Being a better friend was on those boards.
Expanding my family was on those boards.
Long before Oji and I knew we would become parents to Trevor and Tyson, children were on those boards.
Long before Ella Grace was born, a daughter was on those boards.
Long before I returned to consistent writing, writing was on those boards.
God wasn’t working on my timeline.
He was working on His.
What I See Now
Looking back, I realize that list wasn’t really about fixing myself.
It was about becoming myself.
The woman I am today isn’t perfect.
But she’s healthier.
Stronger.
Wiser.
More compassionate.
More confident.
More aware of God’s grace.
And when I look at that old page now, I don’t see seven unfinished goals.
I see evidence.
Evidence that growth takes time.
Evidence that God is patient.
Evidence that some dreams require years of cultivation.
Most of all, I see evidence that God has been faithfully working on me all along.
Seventeen years later, every item on that page is still relevant.
Not because I failed to achieve them.
Because they were never meant to be completed.
They were meant to be cultivated.
Scripture Reflection
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 1:6 (NIV)
Selah.
© 2026, Lela Fagan. All rights reserved.
