Editor’s Note:
This essay was written nearly a decade ago during a pivotal season in my faith journey. It feels just as relevant today, reminding me (and hopefully you) of the lessons that stand the test of time. So, I’m sharing it here again as a Flashback Friday moment—a window into where I’ve been and how far God has brought me.
When Love and Advice Collide
I’ve had to use the phrase “I must respectfully disagree” more times than I can count. And let me tell you—it’s never easy, especially when it’s aimed at friends and family who love me deeply.
See, they didn’t understand why I’d drive nearly an hour to get to my church.
“Why can’t you worship anywhere?” they’d ask.
Or why, despite only having my driver’s license for less than a year, I was brave (or crazy?) enough to tackle expressways they wouldn’t dare drive on—even with their experience.
But sometimes the places that feed your spirit require a little extra gas money and courage.
A Week That Shook Me
That week? Whew, it was a rollercoaster. It started on a high note with my husband’s birthday—he was blessed with two cakes (because one just wasn’t enough for my man)! 🎂
Then came a promising job interview—things were looking up.
But by midweek? I hit a wall.
A doctor’s appointment turned my world upside down. I walked out of that office angry. Angry at the situation. Angry at the words I’d just heard. Grateful I’d never have to see that doctor again—but angry, still. I sat in my car, took a breath, and prayed.
God and I? We’ve been working through that anger. They say anger turned inward becomes depression. But me? I felt poised on the edge of major change.
That appointment was a crossroads.
I could either walk the road of despair—or see the blessing in disguise.
Because if that doctor had been the right one, I might’ve stayed in a place where my dream of birthing children faded quietly away. But God… He wasn’t done yet.
Letting Go of Control
After venting to my sister, I headed home—determined to get to Bible study. I told myself I’d just rehearse for an upcoming conference, not sing during service.
But you know how God does.
I was available, even if my heart wasn’t all the way in it. When one of the lead singers got stuck in traffic, I stepped up. Dressed down, unprepared, and spiritually drained—but I led that first song.
Sometimes, surrender looks like showing up.
The Crash That Could Have Taken Me
After rehearsal, I was exhausted. Just three exits from home, I told myself I could make it.
I didn’t.
I don’t remember running that red light, but the reports say I did. I hit a pickup truck head-on. My car spun twice before stopping inches from a highway underpass pillar.
The outside of my car was crushed. Tires shredded. Fluids everywhere.
But inside? It was untouched.
I was untouched—except for a few bruises from the airbag.
Witnesses couldn’t believe I walked away. But I know better: God’s grace covered me.
Family Interventions and Hard Conversations
When my husband arrived at the scene, the look in his eyes said it all: I could’ve lost you.
In the days that followed, I fell into crisis mode. Handled things solo. Picked up a rental without checking in. I was running on autopilot.
Family came from San Antonio, worried, ready to stage an intervention. They wanted to talk about my driving, my communication, my church.
I listened. I heard them. And then—I respectfully disagreed.
Because at 35 years old, I knew where my spirit was fed. I knew I needed to make changes, but I also knew my healing wasn’t going to look like anyone else’s.
I committed to driving lessons, to eye checks, to growing. But I also knew: I process differently. I’ve learned to compartmentalize to survive the chaos—and sometimes that looks cold. But it’s how I’ve kept my head clear.
Growth, Grace, and Becoming
I’m married to a man who calls me out with love.
I’m surrounded by family and friends who want to see me whole.
I’m learning to soften. To ask for help. To be more compassionate—with myself and others.
I’m not who I was five years ago. And that’s the beauty of this journey.
“And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing that good work and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.”
—Philippians 1:6 (AMP)
Scripture Takeaway:
Scripture Takeaway:
Philippians 1:6 (AMP) – God’s work in you isn’t finished. He’s developing, perfecting, and bringing it to completion—no matter how many detours you take.
Flashback Friday feels? Hit me in the comments or share your own testimony of God’s grace!
© 2025, Lela Fagan. All rights reserved.
